How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
