he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
