you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
