Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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