Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
