you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
