On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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