Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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