So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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