I want to make a zoo with you.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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