Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
