Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
