It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
