Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
