is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
