I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm at about main and main street
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
