im so drunk with asians
where?
always
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
