An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
