How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
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I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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