i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
you never un-have a 4some
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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