Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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