so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
How does one acquire holy water?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
