Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
