There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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