I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"