We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
