And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy