I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.