I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.