I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning