just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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