Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
