I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
