i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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