I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
