Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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