I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
