Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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