I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
