At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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