omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
