he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
sex in a hospital.. check
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
