also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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