I want to have your abortion
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
