we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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