weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
