I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I need water and some morals
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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