How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
