If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
