Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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