Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
