Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
