I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
