We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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