so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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