I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
