Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
