Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
