I want to stick my p in your. b.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
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Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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