My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
