just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
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he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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