don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
