dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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