Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
