i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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