once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
