remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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