yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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