My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
