my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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