So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Alive.
So much puke
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
His nipple licking is glorious
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