Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
