Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
