why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
