I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
