Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
