You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
