So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
