There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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