Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
