My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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