look no pants
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
