Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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