Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
