Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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