i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
