I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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