i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
