Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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