hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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