After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
