I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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