You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.