from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.