I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
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I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
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It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose