I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think my vagina is haunted
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT