Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑